walkitout (walkitout) wrote,

A Puzzling Phrase in the NYT

Here's a question for you:

What the _hell_ is a nipple mask? Or, for that matter, "nipple spray"?


I was innocently (okay, perhaps that's the wrong word) reading gawker when a Hamilton Nolan post sent me snickering off to read the NYT original. LELO is a name I associate with Fun Things Sold at Babeland (like the Smart Wand), so I hesitate to dismiss these items out of hand. On the other hand, they are being lumped in with arousal gels, which I have firmly categorized as "Surely no one is dumb enough to try that a second time", with the recognition that, like cilantro, there might be some genetic differences that make something just annoying for some people but super amazing cool for others.

I'm guessing nipple masks, sprays, etc. are the for-the-areolae equivalent of face creams and so forth. Googling, thus far, isn't getting me anything useful. Entertaining. But not useful. And I'm assuming that the nipple sprays that come up in a breastfeeding context are not what LELO is up to here (altho I'm prepared to be shown wrong).

Also, I just had a flashback to the thigh cream fad of ten or fifteen years ago. I had _completely_ forgotten that. Thanks a lot, NYT.

FWIW, I have zero respect for any of the companies other than LELO mentioned in the article, and I'm honestly a little appalled that the reporter thought this stuff all made sense together.

ETA: Here's some hilarious promo material for LELO's Smart Wand.


Nicely encoded. "We’re very happy with our new Smart Wands (and trust us, you will be too)." It just gets better from there. Ahem.

And from the Babeland site:


"No more fiddling with buttons means more time to fiddle with yourself!" A little less subtle, but definitely a lot of deniability left.

ETAYA: Also, I'm still slightly weirded out about the overall premise of the article.

"many women are turning to over-the-counter products, including lubricants, arousal gels, massage oils, nutritional and herbal supplements, and vibrators. Drugstore chains are now selling these products right next to the bandages and heating pads."

I do realize that the lube selection next to the condoms has gotten better over the last decade-ish, and that's a super cool thing. But I also still perceive a massive difference between what I remember being right in front of my face in Cap Hill drug stores in the 1990s and what I can find even when I go looking for it in a Walgreens in Metrowest this year. For one thing, the non-latex gloves are almost never shelved next to the condoms.

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