walkitout (walkitout) wrote,
walkitout
walkitout

gratuitous snarking at real estate listings

http://www.newenglandmoves.com/viewDetails.nem?cid=478947

And because these things do go away, I'll supply some details:

76 jennie dugan road
concord, MA 01742

Until someone tells me I have to yank it, here's the description:

"Evocative of European contemporary homes. Soaring ceilings, walls of glass, plastered fireplaces, hardwood floors, and one of the most upbeat and stylish cooks kitchens one could hope for. The master includes a gas fireplace, sitting area, walk in closet, and a sumptuous spa level bathroom complete with slate steam shower, jetted tub, and a mosaic sink. Breathtaking! Two car garage, 4 bedrooms, playroom and abutting conservation. Cul-se-sac. Do not miss!"

You know how people always say they found the thing they were looking for in the last place they tried? And other people say, gosh, cause only an idiot would keep looking after they found it? Well, I tend to find lost items by putting everything away, so I _often_ keep at it after I've found what started the process. And while we have bought and moved in (and art and window treatments are firmly fixed on the walls), I haven't stopped looking at the stuff on the MLS that matches our criteria. There are a variety of reasons, none of which matter here.

This particular home we never looked at, because we know a dog when we see one listed online. "walls of glass" = impossible to heat in New England. "wall A/C" = and really bitchin' hot in the summer. "full finished" basement means that square footage is 1/3 - 1/2 higher than it should be, and there isn't any storage space to speak of. Oh, and look out for dehumidifiers. Which the agent will probably claim was just stored there -- never actually used, much less needed. But here's what you _really_ need to know: "Do not miss!" = We tried really hard _last_ year to sell this puppy and failed. Please please please help us get the hell out of here this selling season.

Judging by other examples I have encountered, I expect the next modified listing for this house to say: Short sale pre-approved!

Want to know why I feel confident in saying this? Other than just my general jackassitude? Because there are two outstanding mortgages on this property: one from 2005 for $510K and one from 2006 for $204K. Now, time has passed and principle has been paid on, but that's not a lot of time to go by, so they presumably still owe in the neighborhood of $700K on them. And furthermore, the '05 mortgage is in workflow on the Mass Registry with the label "assignment".

Hard to imagine anyone being dippy enough to want Three Circles of Hell in one house (hot water baseboard oil heating -- so, expensive fuel and no easy way to add central air -- plus excessive amounts of glazing in a house too old -- almost 50 years -- to be expected to have adequate insulation or better than mediocre windows). But if you happened to want Three Circles of Hell, I'd advocate patience. No one else is likely to snap this up (any more than anyone wanted to buy anything next to the Superfund site in Concord), and if you have the patience, you can probably work out a helluva deal with a bank at some point in the future.

Can someone explain to me how a 48 year old house is "evocative of european contemporary homes"? If it hadn't been for that phrase, I would not have bothered to post this. But that? That I cannot leave alone.
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