Wolman describes a study by Swiss researchers in which flu virus survived on banknotes for up to three days. He then forwarded the study to "a friend at" the CDC, who is quoted as asking, "Are the researchers sucking on banknotes or inserting them in their noses?", which forcibly brings to mind way too many movies from the '80s and '90s. "Unless people start using greenbacks as handkerchiefs, she told me, whatever germs do reside on cash or coins should die a quick death." Then Wolman adds, "a friend who recently returned from Africa", a phrase which pretty much guarantees I'm about to get annoyed, because if you are talking about germs and money, you should not be invoking Africa in the next sentence, which includes:
"in some of the more dangerous parts of the continent store cash in their underwear".
Okay, right, STOP THIS FUCKING NONSENSE RIGHT HERE because it is not okay. You don't need to go to Africa to find people storing cash in their undergarments. All you need is to watch a trailer for, oh, I don't know, Magic Mike, or watch a network show where the hero and heroine go to a strip bar to interview someone in a murder investigation. Or, here's an idea, ask a young and/or dumb enough to still be going clubbing woman of your acquaintance what she does with her phone, credit card and emergency-cab-fare-home cash when she goes out without a purse (answer: it involves her bra. Which is underwear.).
I feel like Wolman is maybe a little too squeaky clean for me, however, I'm curious where this adventure is going to lead him so I will continue reading. He's already met a Number of the Beast guy; it is almost guaranteed to get better from here.
ETA: Googling underwear money is pretty entertaining. I'm not clicking on anything about how to make money in or selling my own used underwear; if you click on them, I'd be interested in a safe-for-whatever summary, but I'm a little too frightened to investigate. [ETA: I lied. This one is awesome. http://feminspire.com/thoughts-from-a-craigslist-underwear-girl/]
Here's some underwear designed to store money:
Mentions the same product but then shills for a different one:
Kickstarter for a place to store your flask:
Yeah, share _that_ with your friends. Wow.
A bit more ambitious here:
No money, but a gun:
This one is gross (and out of stock): http://www.cheatersspyshop.com/dirty-briefs-safe.html